August 10, 2018

Baron Wolman photo of Pamela Des Barres... amazing!

I got my very first wet kiss from a lead guitar player. Surprise surprise. It happened in the back seat of a shimmery apple green ’58 Pontiac Bonneville. Still my dream machine. At only thirteen years-old, I had no idea a pulsing slippery tongue would be involved, even though I had enjoyed a few decidedly unslobbery smooches with my junior high boyfriend atop his bunkbed. But Robby was eighteen, and this kiss was something entirely different indeed.

     His tongue swirled round and round inside my mouth (In I’m with the Band I said it felt like his tongue was trying to locate something) and felt quite enormous, filling my mouth like an inflated damp balloon. Was he doing it right, I wondered? It sounds pretty awful but I actually wound up enjoying it immensely. I felt woken up somehow, and had a furtive glimpse into my future, and all the probing tongues I’d encounter during my romantic adventures.

     Robby definitely did know what he was doing, and praise Jesus, my first real kiss was a memorable one in all the right ways.

     Let’s examine what makes a kiss good, shall we? Although I suppose we all have different smooching tastes, we will probably agree that if saliva is running down your chin, or if a tongue moves back and forth like a saw covered with sandpaper, you might reconsider your options. (If real love is involved, you may be stuck, but can hopefully retrain the kisser gradually, with some nimble moves of your own).

     The taste of a person (and the scent as well) is the true sensual connection. Pheramones can actually make you fall in love at first sniff. Or not. Of course it’s important to avoid onions, garlic and heavy spices if you’re anticipating an after-dinner canoodle with open mouths. Carrying mouthwash is a grand idea too, and floss. Cleanliness is next to horniness after all.

   I like to make out for hours, and my personal preference is the slow burn. The very gentle beginning, slow, languid, half-open mouths, licking, anticipating the breaking and entering for awhile before the probing starts. That way, you can both start to relax, which is key – that glorious sinking-into-amorous-nirvana feeling that is like no other. Playfulness, nipping, a little biting, a few breathy lust phrases thrown in in between the all-important eye-gazing. If your kisser closes their eyes, make sure you do or say something slightly startling to make them look into your lusty peepers and hold that gaze for awhile. Soul-connection. We are in this together. I am you and you are me, baby. And make it last. Make ‘em wait for the Big Event. Take the time to kiss, kiss, kiss, because more kissing makes the anticipation seem like heavenly fireworks.

     You know what Prince said: “I just want your extra time and your KISS.”

Photo by Baron Wolman

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